I was reading Nakedpastor today trying to get caught up on my blog subscriptions (which I finally did) and as usual God used him to speak to me. He was talking about how his “community” is in the middle of spiritual adolescence which he defines as trying, “to be special, to just do things to be popular, rebel against anything that you don’t want to be, to fight for the you who stands where you are.”
As I read that I realised that is exactly what I have been doing in this crisis of faith. So many times I have told people “I don’t want to believe just because that is what I am supposed to do” and “I don’t want to fall back into the way things always were”. And part of this is because I truly believe that the way things were (the way I was taught and used to believe) isn’t right. I feel it is in the neighborhood but it is missing the mark. But if I am totally honest with myself I will admit that part of it to is rebelling against what is expected. I got tired of being who everyone expected me to be so I started acting out just like every teenager does.
He goes on to explain; “all this is necessary on the way to maturity, but a sign of maturity is moving out of your uniqueness which you have discovered and embodied to help and serve others. “I got to be me at all costs,” is not the end. It is on the way. Compassionate love is the end. . .”
“Generally, adolescents don’t give a damn about the needs of others, especially if it encroaches on theirs. A mature person does care and will do something about it when presented with the opportunity. A mature person serves even when it costs something precious. To adolescents, the biblical and Jesus-like idea of pouring yourself out for others feels suicidal. For a mature person, an adult, this is the meaning of life.”
Right now I feel like I am still trying to find myself so the thought of giving that up to serve others seems crazy. I don’t understand why I have to go through this phase because before I started trying to find myself I was content being and doing what others wanted. So why do I have to spend all this time and energy finding myself just to give it up again? See what I mean by crazy?
In another post he talks about why most people never make it to spiritual maturity. . .
“. . . one of the major complaints of people who have been in church for years and years… is that they don’t feel they were allowed to grow into adults, that the only stage that was acceptable and that was nurtured was childhood. I think this is true. As soon as people start acting like adolescents spiritually and practically, it causes many leaders serious concern. People are discouraged from thinking outside the box, experimenting with new ideas, and making mistakes. Adolescent attitudes and behavior are frowned upon. No wonder most people in church never make it to spiritual adulthood! They aren’t allowed to be adolescents first.”
I totally agree with this and am in the middle of it. When I was a baby Christian, just like when I was a child, things were simple and happy. Everything made sence and seemed easy. But now I have questions. Just like a young child that has to ask you why a hundred times until you finally get frustrate and tell them to go ask someone else. That is me right now. Combined with the teenage rebellion against anything conventional and expected has led to this crisis. And as I have expressed in past posts I feel like I am being criticized and looked down upon and even punished because of these questions. I feel like I have no support, like I am in the middle of the ocean in a raft with a hole in it and I am bailing like crazy but without someone else to help me I am going to sink at any moment.
Just because I don’t fit into the box that they think I should they freak out and either cram their thoughts and beliefs down my throat or they cut me loose as a lost cause. This response has led me to stop asking for help and telling those that I do ask that I don’t want bible answers. But that doesn’t work either because I don’t have the answers so I have to ask others and if I limit them to non-bible answers how are they supposed to help me? There is no spiritually correct answer that doesn’t at least sound biblical because the bible is the foundation of the faith. So here I sit going through spiritual puberty which sucks just as much as physical puberty did.
2 Comments
December 10, 2007 at 2:09 pm
Wow, what a great post. I’m glad that you’re getting a clearer picture of where you are in your walk. Love you!
December 10, 2007 at 5:33 pm
so extensively quoted!!! i’m honored. keep up the good work. because it is good work.