A couple weeks ago I posted about how I was not OK because of a potential relationship that I was having trouble accepting. My heart has been so damaged by past relationships that I have walled it off not letting anyone or anything in. But one incredibly wonderful man has broken through that wall.
In that post I said how I had ignored a bunch of his calls and said some of the most hurtful things I have ever said. But through it all he was right there. He never lost his temper, he never got angry because he knew I was just scared. By sticking it out and being there and supporting me when everyone else would have lashed right back at me or said forget it and left, he broke down my walls and got to my heart. I have desided to give him a chance and trust him with my heart even though this is scary.
Everyday I am with him I feel less and less afraid and more and more happy and content and loved. I spend every waking moment (that I am not at work) on the phone with him. He calls me to wake me up in the morning and sings me to sleep at night. I can feel the walls crumble more and more each day and though this scares the living daylights out of me it makes me happy. Since I let him in I have felt an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I can breath again. I feel free to be myself without fear of what people think about me because I know he loves me for who I am and is only trying to free me not change me.
He is the strongest man I have ever met. He has had so much crap go on in his life and he is not hesitating to go through more of it for me. He is currently homeless because he gave up his house and life for me. He is finishing out his two weeks at his job and will be flying here to be with me on the 22nd. I am excited and nervous at that same time. I can’t wait to finally see him, to be with him, but I am afraid at the same time. It’s a good kind of fear though. The kind that makes you feel alive. That makes your heart jump and a smile come to your face when you realise why you are afraid. I know none of this makes any sense but it is the best way I can explain it. I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas day wanting so badly to wait up for Santa to come and yet fearing that he wont or that when he does all he will bring is coal. I can’t believe that in 3 days all this will be over and he will be here with me 
2 Comments
January 21, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Well???? Don’t keep us in suspense! Naturally, I want to know what your parents think!!?!
February 15, 2008 at 9:41 am
Helllllllooooooo???