The dark I can’t shake,
it swallows my shout.
Each step forward I take
I search for a way out.

]]> http://novusvitae.wordpress.com/2011/05/01/darkness-of-night/feed/ 0 Jade http://novusvitae.wordpress.com/2011/01/03/another-year-another-goal/ http://novusvitae.wordpress.com/2011/01/03/another-year-another-goal/#comments Mon, 03 Jan 2011 20:15:55 +0000 Jade http://novusvitae.wordpress.com/?p=147 ]]> Well I didn’t make it. One of the biggest things I wanted to accomplish last year was to read the entire bible. As I said I didn’t make it, didn’t even make it through all of the old testament. I still have 1/2 of Ezra, Esther, Nehemiah and Malachi to go in the old testament and all of the new. But I am proud of myself for not giving up. This is the farthest I have ever gotten in the bible. Usually I ready for a few weeks/months and inevitably get behind and discouraged and give up because there is no way I will be able to catch up. This year I approached it a little different. When I got hopelessly behind instead of trying to cram to get caught up I simply kept readying and tried not to fall further behind. Now obviously I didn;t ready everyday or I would have been done. All in all I fell about 3 months behind. But like I said I am not giving up. I didn’t accomplish it in 1 year but that doesn’t mean I have to give up. I plan to keep reading and hopefully finish in another few months so I can start over again. Next time I don’t think I am going to try to do it in a year as I don;t think very much has actually sunk in having to read so much at a time. Instead I think I am going to take my time and actually study what I am readying. I imagine doing it that way will result in it taking several years to get through all of the bible but having read the bible through once that will no long be my goal. Rather my goal this time will be to gain vital insight into who God is and who I am through Him. I want to build a relationship with Him and know Him intimately and I don’t feel that can be done by simply reading the bible over and over again. Especially for someone like me who doesn’t retain much of what she reads for any period of time. So my friends that is one of my goals for 2011 and beyond. Please keep me in your prayers and feel free to hold me accountable.

God is so confident in His soilders and their ability to stand firm and defeat the enemy that He doesn’t even give us any armor to cover a retreat. This is because He has equipped us in such a way that if we simply stand firm we can not lose. As my friend put it “darkness can not overcome light” it may take a long time and we may get tired and worn down but as long as we hang in there and stand firm we will overcome. God will deliver us.

Another very encouraging story my friend shared with me is found in Daniel chapter 10. Here  Daniel was very upset about a vision he was given and proceeded to fast and pray seeking an answer from God regarding the vision. Daniel tells us he was in great mourning for 3 weeks seeking God but getting no response. 

^“2 In those days I, Daniel, was mourning three full weeks. ³ I ate no pleasant food, no meat or wine came into my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled.” Daniel 10:2-3 NKJV

 He was weak in spirit and flesh but he continued to seek God. Now if it was me and I had not gotten a response after 3 weeks of earnestly seeking and praying I would be very discouraged, in fact I have been there. But if we continue reading we discover something amazing. In vs 4-6 Daniel paints a picture for us, in the picture he describes a heavenly being that has been sent to him, now Daniel was so weak from his fasting that he fell on his face and passed out,

⁸ Therefore I was left alone when I saw this great vision, and no strength remained in me; for my vigor was turned to frailty in me, and I retained no strength. ⁹ Yet I heard the sound of his words; and while I heard the sound of his words I was in a deep sleep on my face, with my face to the ground.”   Daniel 10:8-9

 but the man of God touched him and gave him strength so they could interact (vs.10-11). Now that isn’t the amazing part, the amazing part is what this man of God had to say to Daniel. 

 “¹² Then he said to me, “Do not fear, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand, and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard; and I have come because of your words. ¹³ But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me twenty-one days; and behold, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I had been left alone there with the kings of Persia.” Daniel 10:12-13

This gives us a small peak into spiritual warfare. It wasn’t God that delayed in His response like we thought, no God responded immediately and sent this messenger to Daniel. But the messenger was met with resistance. The prince of the kingdom of Persia mentioned here is not a human but rather a spiritual being that has been set up to guard and rule over Persia. And we can gather from the fact that he resisted God’s messenger that he is not one of the good guys. So for 21 days this messenger fought with this evil spirit trying to get his message to Daniel, it wasn’t until another angel, Micheal, came to his aid that the messenger was able to complete his mission and give Daniel God’s revelation. But clearly the battle is not won since he goes on in vs.20 to say that he must go back to fight with the prince of the kingdom of Persia again and when he is finally defeated  the prince of Greece will come. This is just one of many great passages that shows us God’s faithfulness and that we need to just stay strong and keep at it.

All to often when things don’t go our way or don’t happen just when we think they should the natural response of our human nature is to blame God. We say things like “He’s not listening to me” or, “He doesn’t care about me” when the truth of the matter is there are things going on in this world that we can not see.

^“12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Eph 6:12 NKJV

Every day battles are being fought on our behalf, not just the physical battles that men and women are fighting over seas but the spiritual battles that God’s armies are fighting against satan’s. Battles for our freedom from sin and death, battles for our souls. And we need to do our part in these battles, we may not have physical roles yet but we need to offer our strength to the armies that fight for us by keeping our faith strong and unwavering and by equipping ourselves with the armor of God. So the next time we don’t think God is answering our prayers or is taking to long or perhaps has abandoned us all together, maybe we should take a moment to think on these verses;

^“28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 NIV

^“11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jer 29:11

Why would God have told us these things if he ment to not listen to us or to abandon us? God loves us and wants to help us, all we have to do is do our part, we have to turn to Him for help even when things seem hopeless. Another very encouraging verse during these times is;

^“13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” 1 Cor 10:13 NKJV

 Do not fall for Satan’s lie that God is not there for us or doesn’t care for us, that He is too busy to help us. Our God is all-powerful, all-knowing and ever-present! He knows what we are going through before we even go through it and is right there with a outstreached hand to help us through, all we need to do is grab His hand and let Him lead us no matter how impossible the situation seems. Remember GOD works all things for good, if you don’t trust and follow God all things will NOT be good. . .

So why isn’t Hanukkah an appointed time and why is it important to non-Jewish families? The simplest reason Hanukkah is not an appointed time in the Torah is because the events that are being remembered by this holy day took place after the last book of the Hebrew Scriptures was composed. By the time of the apostles, however, the tradition was already well established. So well established, in fact, Jesus himself felt it was important enough not only to celebrate it but to make a special trip to the temple.

“22 Now it was the Feast of Dedication in Jerusalem, and it was winter. 23 And Jesus walked in the temple, in Solomon’s porch.” John 10:22-23

Now this passage does not state plainly that Jesus made a special trip to celebrate Hanukkah, however, the only times he has been seen in Jerusalem is for the three pilgrimage feast of Pesach, Shavout and Sukkot. So it is unusual for Him to be in Jerusalem at this time, normally he would be around Galilee. We know He is not there for any of the 3 pilgrimage feast because in this verse it is winter, the only feast the Jew’s celebrate in the winter is Hanukkah, which means dedication.

It is interesting to note that traditionally the descendents of David did not celebrate Hanukkah which may be why it is not widely mentioned in the bible. See, the descendents of David had issue with the priestly line of Maccabees (the Hasmoneans) because when they took back Jerusalem they put themselves on the throne. The line of Davis had issue with this and felt their kingship was invalid because of the covenant God made with David.

12 When your days are over and you rest with your ancestors, I will raise up your offspring to succeed you, your own flesh and blood, and I will establish his kingdom. 13 He is the one who will build a house for my Name, and I will establish the throne of his kingdom forever.

16 Your house and your kingdom will endure forever before me; your throne will be established forever.’” 2 Sam 7:12-13 & 16.

Despite this and the fact that Hanukkah isn’t biblical the events it celebrates are, and obviously it was important to Jesus so it should be important to us.

But what exactly does Hanukkah celebrate? In Daniel we find the prophecies that lay the groundwork for this celebration. Chapter 2 of Daniel talks about a dream that Nebuchadnezzar had that no one but Daniel could interpret.

“27 Daniel answered in the presence of the king, and said, “The secret which the king has demanded, the wise men, the astrologers, the magicians, and the soothsayers cannot declare to the king. 28 but there is a God in heaven who reveals secrets, and He has made known to King Nebuchadnezzar what will be in the latter days. Your dreams, and the visions of your head upon your bed, were these:” “31 “You, O king, were watching; and behold, a great image! This great image, whose splendor was excellent, stood before you; and its form was awesome. 32 This image’s head was of fine gold, its chest and arms of silver, its belly and thighs of bronze, 33 its legs of iron, its feet partly of iron and partly of clay.” Daniel 2:26-28, 31-33

In Daniel 2:38-40 Daniel explains that the image represents four empires; Babylon is the head of gold, the Persian empire is the chest and arms of silver, the Greek empire is the thighs of bronze and the Roman empire is the legs of iron and feet of iron and clay. The Roman Empire is pictured with 10 toes which represent the ten 10 emperors of Rome. So the image that Nebuchadnezzar saw began with the destroyer of Jerusalem, Nebuchadnezzar, represented four empires spanning nearly 700 years, and ended with the 10th Emperor of Rome, Titus. Titus was the general who destroyed the temple in 70 CE. In the end the image was crushed by a rock that is understood to be the Kingdom of heaven, which proceeds to fill the whole earth. So this dream prophecies Babylon being concurred by the Medo-Persian Empire which is then concurred by the Greeks who are in turn concurred by Rome, but in the end it is the Kingdom of Heaven that prevails all this. If we take a look at history we can see that this did indeed happen exactly like the dream foretold.

Now, I can hear the moaning and you thinking ok thanks for the history lesion but what does this have to do with Hanukkah? Well prophecy and visions are meant to be vague and it often takes understanding one to understand another so in order to understand what this has to do with Hanukkah we have to look at a vision Daniel himself had in chapter 8 that foretells the exact events of the Hanukkah revolution.

“1 In the third year of King Belshazzar’s reign, I, Daniel, had a vision, after the one that had already appeared to me.”   Daniel 8:1

Now Belshazzar was the last King of the Babylon Empire before it was toppled by the Medes and Persians. So this dream took place in the 5th decade of the 5th century BCE, some 36 years after Nebuchadnezzar’s dream.

“2 In my vision I saw myself in the citadel of Susa in the province of Elam; in the vision I was beside the Ulai Canal 3 I looked up, and there before me was a ram with two horns, standing beside the canal, and the horns were long. One of the horns was longer than the other but grew up later. 4 I watched the ram as it charged toward the west and the north and the south. No animal could stand against it, and none could rescue from its power. It did as it pleased and became great.” Daniel 8:2-4

 Later in the chapter Gabriel explains the ram is the Medo-Persian Empire who’s capital was Susa. The long horn represents the Persian’s who were more powerful than the Medes. As Daniel’s vision continues we see another Empire represented by a goat that tramples the ram.

“5 As I was thinking about this, suddenly a goat with a prominent horn between its eyes came from the west, crossing the whole earth without touching the ground. 6 It came toward the two-horned ram I had seen standing beside the canal and charged at it in great rage. 7 I saw it attack the ram furiously, striking the ram and shattering its two horns. The ram was powerless to stand against it; the goat knocked it to the ground and trampled on it, and none could rescue the ram from its power. 8 The goat became very great, but at the height of its power the large horn was broken off, and in its place four prominent horns grew up toward the four winds of heaven.” Daniel 8:5-8

 We learn from history that the goat represents the Greek Empire that swept across the Middle East and toppled the Persian Empire. The single horn represents Alexander the Great who became very ill at the height of his power. Fearing he would die with no heir he divided the Empire among his four best generals. These four generals are the four prominent horns that grew in the place of the single horn that broke off. If we read further we see that one of the four horns produced a small horn that quickly grew and took over the “army of the Lord”.

 “9 Out of one of them came another horn, which started small but grew in power to the south and to the east and toward the Beautiful Land. 10 It grew until it reached the host of the heavens, and it threw some of the starry host down to the earth and trampled on them. Daniel 8:9-10

Again, history tells us the little horn that became great was Antiochus Epiphanies. Because of its geographic location, Israel often fell victim to political upheavals and war was never far from the land. Not to mention all the times they turned from God and He used these neighboring powers to punish them.

The events of the Hanukkah revolution happened during one of these turbulent periods. After the disintegration of Alexander the Great’s Grecian Empire the Roman Empire rose to power. Around 200 BCE the Seleucid dynasty gained control of Israel and in 175 BCE Antiochus IV inherited the throne, asserted he was divine and declared himself Epiphanes. In 169 BCE we see the fulfillment of another prophecy from Daniel.

“29″At the appointed time he will return and come into the South, but this last time it will not turn out the way it did before. 30″For ships of Kittim will come against him; therefore he will be disheartened and will return and become enraged at the holy covenant and take action; so he will come back and show regard for those who forsake the holy covenant. 31″Forces from him will arise, desecrate the sanctuary fortress, and do away with the regular sacrifice And they will set up the abomination of desolation. Daniel 11:29-31 NASB

 The “he “in these verses refers to Antiochus Epiphanes, his army suffered a humiliating defeat when Roman ships (ships of Kittim) opposed him. His response to this defeat was to turn his army back North through Israel. When he got to Jerusalem he took out his anger on the Israelites by sacking the city, killing thousands indiscriminately, raiding the temple and taking all the gold and silver including the altar, lamp stands (or menorah), offering table and the cups, bowls and censers. He even took the curtain the separated the holy of holies.

Unfortunately, that was just the beginning, not long after he raided the temple he issued orders requiring all nations under him, particularly the Jews, to relinquish their religion and culture and adopt the Greek culture and religion. In order to create unity in his conquests he imposed strict Hellenism, the Greek culture, language and religion were required as well as statues of him in their temples which they were to worship. This brings us back to Daniel’s vision in chapter 8.

 “11 It set itself up to be as great as the commander of the army of the LORD; it took away the daily sacrifice from the LORD, and his sanctuary was thrown down. 12 Because of rebellion, the LORD’s people and the daily sacrifice were given over to it. It prospered in everything it did, and truth was thrown to the ground. 13 Then I heard a holy one speaking, and another holy one said to him, “How long will it take for the vision to be fulfilled—the vision concerning the daily sacrifice, the rebellion that causes desolation, the surrender of the sanctuary and the trampling underfoot of the LORD’s people?” 14 He said to me, “It will take 2,300 evenings and mornings; then the sanctuary will be reconsecrated.”” Daniel 8:11-14

The “abomination of desolation” mentioned in Daniel 11:31 refers to the stopping of the daily sacrifices, the erecting of an image of Zeus in the temple and the monthly sacrifices of swine that were offered to this image upon the alter of the Lord. In Daniel 8:14 we see that the time frame between this “abomination of desolation” and the restoring of the temple is 2,300 evenings and mornings. So, does that mean 2,300 days? Not exactly, in this case the “holy one speaking” in verses 13-14 is referring to the korban tamid sacrifices, korban means offering and tamid means continual or regular. 

^“1Then the LORD spoke to Moses, saying,  ²“Command the sons of Israel and say to them, ‘You shall be careful to present My offering, My food for My offerings by fire, of a soothing aroma to Me, at their appointed time.’³“You shall say to them, ‘This is the offering by fire which you shall offer to the LORD: two male lambs one year old without defect as a continual burnt offering every day. ⁴‘You shall offer the one lamb in the morning and the other lamb you shall offer at twilight;” Numbers 28:1-4

Here we see God commanding the Israelites to offer regular daily sacrifices (korban tamid) of one lamb in the morning and one lamb in the evening. With this information we can see that from the abomination of desolation to the time that the temple is restored 2,300 morning and evening sacrifices will be missed which equals 1,150 days or 3.5 years. Unfortunately, since we do not know the exact day that Antiochus stopped the sacrifices we cannot say with 100% certainty that there were 2,300 missed sacrifices over 1,150 days. However, the apocrypha book of 1st Maccabees offers us a historical record of these events. According to this history source the statue was erected on the 15th day of Kislev and the first swine sacrifice was made 10 days later on the 25th day of Kislev. It also reports that the Maccabees rededicated the temple and offered the 1st korban tamid 3 years later on the 25th day of Kislev. Now this is only 1,105 days from the statue being erected, and as I said before, since we do not know the exact day the sacrifices were stopped we cannot say for certain that there were 2,300 sacrifices missed but I would wager that there were 45 days between the edict to stop the sacrifices and the erecting of the statue, which would make 1,150 days between the last sacrifice and the first, 2,300 missed morning and evening sacrifices. To finish off the prophecy of the Hanukkah revolution lets return to Daniel 11.

32″By smooth words he will turn to godlessness those who act wickedly toward the covenant, but the people who know their God will display strength and take action. 33″Those who have insight among the people will give understanding to the many; yet they will fall by sword and by flame, by captivity and by plunder for many days. 34″Now when they fall they will be granted a little help, and many will join with them in hypocrisy. 35″Some of those who have insight will fall, in order to refine, purge and make them pure until the end time; because it is still to come at the appointed time.” Daniel 11:32-35 NASB

 From this verse we can gather that after the abomination of desolation, he, Antiochus, will turn the unbelievers to godlessness but the true followers of God will have nothing to do with it. They will stand up against him and many will be struck down “they will fall by sword and by flame, by captivity and by plunder for many days” vs. 33. But it will not be for nothing, we are told in vs. 34 that even in their death they will help their cause and it will encourage many more to join with them. We see a historical recount of this in 1 Maccabees. We are told there was a priest at that time named Mattathias who had 5 sons. When he heard what was happening in the temple he called out;

 “Let everyone who is zealous for the Torah and who stands by the covenant follow after me.” 1 Maccabees 2:27

then he and his sons fled to the mountains. Soon they were joined by others that were disgusted by what was happening to the temple and their people. This small group of rebels engaged the Syrian armies in guerilla warfare. Mattathias was old and died soon after the revolt began so his oldest son, Judah took over the command and soon became known as Yehudah the Maccabee which means Judah the Hammer because of the way he and his band of freedom fighters crushed the Seleucids. Soon after the revolt began the Seleucids sent large armies to root out the freedom fighters in the mountains and bring a quick end to the revolt but Judah’s great faith in our Lord allowed God to perform a great miracle. Judah provides us with a recorded of this in the historical text of 1 Maccabees 3:16-22.

“When he reached the ascent of Beth-horon, Judah went out to meet him with a few men. But when they saw the army coming against them, they said to Judah: “How can we, few as we are, fight such a mighty host as this? Besides we are weak today from fasting.” But Judah said: “It is easy for many to be overcome by a few; in the sight of heaven there is no difference between deliverance by many or by few; for victory in war does not depend upon the size of the army, but on strength that comes from heaven. With great presumption and lawlessness they come against us to destroy us and our wives and children and to despoil us; but we are fighting for our lives and our Torah laws. He Himself will crush them before us; so do not be afraid of them.”

Now Maccabees is not scripture, thus can be fallible, but it does give us a historical reference to the events of biblical time and we have seen time and time again where men and women who have great faith in God have been used by God to deliver His people from great opposition and this appears to be one such occasion. Now this was not just one great victory and the temple was restored, no, these men fought many battles over several years and were not always victorious. But they kept their resolve and many gave their lives, they pushed forward and with great determination and even greater faith in God the weak were able to overpower the strong and take back the temple.

 They were so eager to restore the temple that Judah started the process even before they had finished searching out all their enemies in Jerusalem. When they saw the condition of the temple they were greatly saddened, tore their garments and mourned for the great loss. But that only served to fuel their desire for restoration, they tore down the defiled alter and began to rebuild the temple from whatever scraps they could find. One legend states they built a lamp stand or menorah from iron bars they found in the temple. Another well-known Hanukkah legend has it that when they searched the temple after rebuilding the lamp stand or menorah they could only find enough purified, blessed olive oil to keep the menorah burning for 1 day. Because of the process required to make and bless more olive oil worthy to be burned in the temple, they would not have more for 8 days. Unwilling to disobey a commandment when they had the ability to observe it they lit the menorah anyway, fully expecting it to burn out in a day, but to everyone’s surprise the lamps did not burn out. The 1 day supply of oil lasted the full 8 days until they were able to make more. While some say this is why Hanukkah is observed for 8 days there is no historical evidence of this. Now I’m not saying it didn’t happen because God can and has done miraculous thing but, if you look at 2 Maccabees 10  we see that they chose to observe a appointed time they were not able to while they were at war, the Feast of Tabernacles. The Feast of Tabernacles was established as the dedication feast for the temple and as one of the appointed feast in Leviticus.

33 The LORD said to Moses, 34 “Say to the Israelites: ‘On the fifteenth day of the seventh month the LORD’s Festival of Tabernacles begins, and it lasts for seven days. 35 The first day is a sacred assembly; do no regular work. 36 For seven days present food offerings to the LORD, and on the eighth day hold a sacred assembly and present a food offering to the LORD. It is the closing special assembly; do no regular work. Leviticus 23:33-36 NIV

This feast was to have taken place in the seventh month, Tishrei, or between late September and early October. However the Maccabees did not get the temple back and ready until the 9th month, Kislev, or later November early December. But, rather than waiting the 10 months until Tishrei of the following year they decided to celebrate the Feast of Tabernacles 2 months late. As we can seen in Leviticus the feast was a seven-day feast with a holy Sabbath following it making it an 8 day feast. As this feast was the traditional way of dedicating the temple, it makes perfect sense that they would do this thus making Hanukkah an eight-day festival as well.

It is interesting to note however that this is not the end. In Matthew 24 Jesus, knowing full well that the prophecy in Daniel 11 had been fulfilled through the Hanukkah revolution warns his disciples to watch for the abomination of desolation as a sign of the end times. 3 As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately.

 “Tell us,”they said, “when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?” 15 “So when you see standing in the holy place ‘the abomination that causes desolation,’ spoken of through the prophet Daniel—let the reader understand—“ Matthew 24:3 and 15 NIV

This to me, this shows it is going to happen again. Daniel also, gives insight into the fact that there will be another abomination when he says;

35″Some of those who have insight will fall, in order to refine, purge and make them pure until the end time; because it is still to come at the appointed time.” Daniel 11:35

 If for no other reason than to be prepared and to prepare our children for this future abomination, it is important for us as followers of Christ to remember this time of desolation and make sure we are ready when this time comes. The word Hanukkah means dedication and the festival of Hanukkah is a festival of light and rededication, as such it provides a unique opportunity to the body of Messiah today. We are fighting a war every day, a war to stay focused on God and to bring glory to his Kingdom. Hanukkah offers us an opportunity to shut out all the distractions and all the things of this world that are trying to pull us away from God and focus on rededicating our lives and our families to Him. It reminds us that anything is possible through God and faith in Him. We are encouraged not only to teach this lesion to our children and arm the next generation for their fight but to take a deeper look into our own lives.

“12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

In this passage Jesus tells us he is the light of the world and Hanukkah is a time to focus on that light. It is also a time to focus on how we can, like Him, be the light of the world. 14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.

15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:14

I say she got to emotional because that is exactly what it was, a temper tantrum that had very little to do with me and a lot to do with her. You see she was diagnosed with cancer in July and has been undergoing chemo for months, unfortunately she found out a few weeks back that the chemo is not working so they switched her to a new chemo that has been taking its toll on her. That combined with the stress of a fast weekend trip to see her new husbands family for thanksgiving and her favorite employee complaining was apparently more than she could handle. She called me into her office friday night after she had gotten back from her trip and basically told me “I’m pissed off at you so you need to give me your keys and leave”. I tried to talk to her to understand what was going on and plead my case but she wouldn’t even take the time, she just kept saying “give me your keys and get out”. The whole conversation lasted less than 5 minutes. So I got my stuff together and left, barely saying goodbye to my co-workers.

Tomorrow morning I plan to go to the unemployment office and file for unemployment and get information on how to file wrongful termination since there was no legitimate reason for her to fire me and she didn’t present me with my last check which Colorado law requires her to do at the time that she fires me.

Needless to say Brian and I are stressed about finances and how we are going to make it. As I said earlier I had looked for a job before and no one was hiring. Obviously I am not going to give up looking but unfortunately this is the slow time of year in my field so it will be tought.

On a happier note, our friends and family are great! We have already had a bunch of people offer to help if we need anything, offer possible job leads and tons of prayers. We thank and love you all so much! We couldn’t do this without the support of our friends and family.

We know God is in control of our lives because we have given them to Him and trust Him to take care of us. Even in this tough time I praise Him and thank Him. He knew I was miserable there and that it was effecting my emotional and physical health so he has freed me from it. Once I got over the initial shock and panic I felt a great weight lifted off my shoulders. Now I just have to trust and follow Him because I know He will not give me anything I can’t handle with His help and I know He wont lead me into something He can’t get me through.

“You MUST NOT worship the LORD your God in their way, because in worshiping their gods, they do all kinds of detestable things the LORD HATES . . . See that you do all I command you; do NOT add to it or TAKE AWAY from it.” (Deuteronomy 12:29-32, NKJV)

     It has been said that Halloween is a way of celebrating All Hallows or Hallows Man Eve. While it is true that the name Halloween, or more traditionally Hallowe’en, is a Scottish derivative of All Hallows Eve that was 1st used in the 16th century, that is where the similarities between the traditional Hallowe’en and the modern Halloween end. Before there was a set holiday to recognize martyr’s each was honored on the anniversary of their martyrdom, but during the persecution of Diocletian it became impossible to honor each one on the day they were martyred because of the vast numbers so a common day was erected for honoring all martyr’s and St. John the Baptist, slowly more saints were added to the celebration. There are mentions of this common day as early as 373 A.D. by St. Ephrem the Syrian and by St. John Chrysostom in 407 A. D. This day was celebrated the first Sunday after Pentecost until around 609 A.D. when Pope Boniface IV consecrated the Patheon for the Holy Mother and the Martyr’s and declared the anniversary to be May 13th. All Saints Day was not celebrated in November until Gregory III consecrated a chapel in the basilica of St. Peter to all the saints and set the anniversary for November 1st. Later, in 837 A.D. Gregory IV extended the celebration to all the church thus creating All Saints Day. There is some controversy as to while the move to November 1st occurred, some speculate that it was moved because the celebration had grown to large for the meager food supply in May to support so he moved it to November because of the ample food supply of the fall harvest, others feel it was his way of trying to Christianize the pagan celebrations that were already being celebrated at that time. One was Feralia, a Roman day in late October to honor the passing of their dead, the second was the Roman festival of Pomona, their goddess of fruit and trees, and the third, the traditional Celtic new years eve celebration of Samhain (pronounced sowen).

     Originally All Hallows Eve was a solemn vigil observed by Catholics to prepare them for the coming feast of All Hallows day or All Saints Day as it is more commonly known today. This vigil, as many like it, involved an assembly of the faithful at the location that the feast would be held the next day, they would prepare for the feast by praying, fasting and hearing holy readings. Traditionally mass was held in the evening on these days. When morning came the people would disperse to await the feast that evening. Over time, perhaps because of the fasting of the previous day, the activities of the following morning began to degrade into carousing and dancing in the streets and halls around the church and soon there was a movement to abolish these vigils. Where they couldn’t be totally abolished they were moved to the afternoon or reduced to just fasting the day before the feast. As you can see the events of this day in no way resemble the modern practices of Halloween, and the holiday itself was abolished long ago. So where did we get our modern day customs from? Further investigation into the 3 pagan holidays that are celebrated at the same time can give us some insight on this and show that if it was Gregory III’s attempt to Christianize pagan holidays he failed miserably because in the end it was the Christian holiday that was paganized. Perhaps this risk is why we are instructed;

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said:

 ”I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.”

 Therefore

 “Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.”

 ”I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” 2 Corinthians 6:14-18

     The Roman feast of Feralia was held around the end of February towards the end of the Parentalia feast. Parentalia was a general feast held to honor the dead and was a largely positive time of celebrating the souls of the deceased called Manes. This was a time to remember and honor loved ones that had passed. There were gatherings where stories were shared, favorite meals were prepared and a spot was left empty at the table so ancestors could join in the meal. Feralia was the 2nd to last day of the feast reserved for addressing the evil spirits and was intended to control malevolent entities and force them to return to the spirit world. In the time of ancient Rome it was believed that offerings had to be made to appease these spirits or they would remain on earth to haunt and terrorize. There is mention of a time when the feast was neglected because the Roman’s were at war and they were plagued by haunting and misfortune until they were able to properly complete the offerings and return the spirits to the spirit world. The most common practice was to lay a wreath on the grave, offer a food sacrifice of a bit of grain, a sprinkling of salt and bread soaked in wine and sprinkle violets over it all. People were allowed to provided more elaborate offerings but the spirits would not be appeased by anything less. During this day there were no fires allowed, including incense or hearth fires, marriages were forbidden and magistrate stopped wearing their insignias. Once the offerings were made and the spirits were appeased the Romans were free to enjoy the conclusion of Parentalia the next day with the feast of Caristia. The contrast of the darkness of Feralia followed by the joy of Caristia has been likened to that of All Hallows Eve followed by All Saints Day which serves to further strengthen the argument that All Saints day was moved to try and Christianize these celebrations.

      The Roman Goddess Pomona was a virginal wood nymph associated with the flourishing of fruit trees, gardens and orchards. She is often pictured holding a basket or cornucopia of fruit in one hand and a pruning knife in the other and is given the symbol of the apple. Vertumnus (which means changing), the Roman god of the turning year used his ability to change forms to trick Pomona into agreeing to marry him by disguising himself as an elderly woman offering advice and playing up his own attributes. Vertumnus’ lust for Pomona is said to be responsible for the prolific nature of apple trees and may be why the apple is a symbol of love and fertility. There seem to be 3 dates associated with this couple, August 13th, August 23rd, and November 1st. I believe the feasts of August 13th and August 23rd are one in the same because it is said Vertumnus’ feast is held as summer wanes and involves an offering of first fruits. While the feast on November 1st was held to honor Pomona and involved a thank offering for her aid in harvest and the winter store of fruit and nuts being opened. Both of these feasts are relatively benign but the merge of Roman and Celtic culture around A.D. 43 also merged their feasts and rituals as Druid divinations began to use apples and nuts in various ways during their night of the dead.

     Take bobbing for apples for example, it is said that the first one to bite into the flesh of the apple is to be the next one wed. Women would also peal apples, the whole time envisioning their future spouse and being careful to keep the rind intact. If they were successful they would then toss it over one shoulder; the rind would then fall into the shape of the initials of her future spouse. If they rind was cut or broke while peeling they were not to marry that year. Later it became common for women to peal apples in a dark room looking over their shoulder in a mirror hopping to catch a glimpse of her spouses reflection walking behind her. There was also a tradition of cutting an apple in half symbolically placing all your negative traits and experiences in it and burying it; the belief was that as the apple rotted so would all the bad things. There were many divinations in which nuts and fire were used to predict one’s spouse and marital success in the coming year.

      While these Roman feasts have defiantly influenced the way we celebrate Halloween today they are not where the holiday originated. The earliest mention of a festival of the dead, celebrated at the beginning of winter, that most if not all of our current Halloween customs can be traced back to comes from the Celtic Druids and their night of the dead. Druids, Celtic priests, have 4 major holy days not associated with a solstice or equinox. These holy days, Samhain, Oimelc, Beltane and Lughnasadh are often called “Fire Festivals” because fire plays an important role in the custom of these festivals as all other fires are extinguished and a new sacrificial fire is lit to relight all the hearth fires. Fire was a physical symbol of divinity, holiness, truth, and beauty as it is today. Samhain is the name of the Druid’s Lord of the dead and literally means “summers end”. Samhain is considered the most important of these festivals because it marked the Celtic New Year. It also marked the beginning of winter or the dark half of the year and shares many symbolic characteristics with Beltane which marks the beginning of summer or the light half of the year. The day before Samhain, was the last day of summer and the day after Samhain, was the first day of winter. Like many cultures the Celtic day started at sunset the night before so Samhain began at sunset October 31st. These three days, October 31st thru November 2nd were all part of the festival and are often linked to the movement of All Hallows Eve, All Saints Day and All Souls Day. These 3 days were considered a time of no time, a magical time when the dead walked the earth with the living and the veils between past, present and future were blurred allowing prophecy and divination.

      Celtic society was highly structured but this was a time when order, structure and time were abolished and chaos reigned. But beyond the chaos of this day there lay a deeper meaning. The Druids knew these three days held a special secret; they knew the veil between the living and the dead was thinnest at this time allowing fortune telling and divination. Many important mythological events are to happen on this day, many of which have to do with the temporary victory of darkness over light creating the dark half of the year. No one would leave their houses without a disguise because they believed evil spirits were free to roam the streets and were hoping to blend in with them, skulls with candles in them and baskets of food were places on porches in hopes to appease these spirits and keep them from entering the houses, farmers gates were unhinged and left in ditches, horsed were moved to different fields, and all other sorts of vandalisms went on during this time. Soon farmers began to offer bribes to the vandals in exchange for them to leave their property unharmed. There are accounts that call this night “Oidhche ne h-ainleise” or “The night of mischief or con” and depicting bands of young men led by horn-blowers traveling to all the farmers reciting a Gaelic chant in which the wife of the house was called to do honor to Samhain, their Lord of the Dead, whom the festival was named after, by levying a bride of sorts. Irisleabhar na Gaedhilge in 370 states “When the distant winding of the horns was heard, the bean a’ tigh (woman of the house) prepared their reception and got ready the money or builin to be handed to them through the half opened door. Whoever heard the wild scurry of their rush through the farm yard to the kitchen door-there was always a race amongst them to get possession of the latch- will not question the propriety of the word aimeleis (mischief) applied to their proceedings. “

      These holidays seem to have had the greatest influence in the way we celebrate Halloween today, let’s see how they influenced some of the more common traditions; There are many ancient and modern influences that have blended together to form the modern day “trick-or-treat” custom but the Celtic “Night of Mischief” appears to be the earliest mention of such a practice. Some later examples are; The American practice of beggars and later children going door to door asking for small round spiced cakes baked with currents, called could cakes, on All Saints Day in exchange for prayers for the families’ dead. It is said that each cake eaten symbolized one soul set free from purgatory. The costumed holiday parading, singing and dancing at Halloween in Ireland and the British Isles. And the gender specific Halloween traditions practiced by the 19th century Ireland and Scotland immigrants to America, where the girls would stay indoors and practice divination while the boys roamed outdoors engaging in ritualized pranks the elders “blamed” on the evil spirits abroad that night.

      There are also many elements that led to the jack-o-lantern. As mentioned above skulls were originally used then turnips and other large vegetables were hallowed out and faces were carved on them. It was not until Halloween became prominent in the Americas after the Irish immigration in 1846 that pumpkins began being used. Originally pumpkins were a symbol of Thanksgiving and the plentiful harvest season but as the secular practices of Halloween began to engulf the religious holidays during the 1920’s and 1930’s, they also engulfed this element. The name Jack-o-lantern does not appear until around 1837 and many believe it came from the legend of a man named Jack who was prevented from entering heaven for being stingy and inhospitable and barred from hell for pranks he played on Satan, thus being forced to roam the earth with nothing but a hallowed out gourd with a candle in it to light his way.

     So would God like His chosen people participating in a night that’s origin is based in pagan culture and the worship of other gods? Before you answer that consider this verse;

“Do I mean then that a sacrifice offered to an idol is anything, or that an idol is anything? No, but the sacrifices of pagans are offered to DEMONS, not to God, and I do not want you to be participants with demons. You CANNOT drink the cup of the Lord AND THE CUP OF DEMONS TOO; you cannot have a part in both the Lord’s Table and the table of demons. Are we trying to arouse the Lord’s jealousy? Are we stronger than he?” (1Corinthians 10:19-22, NKJV)

So, shall we participate in the pagan’s holy day and condone their sacrifices to demons? Or shall we heed the commands of our God and follow His guidance and be held under his protection?

”Also I have sent to you all My servants the prophets, sending them again and again, saying: ‘Turn now every man from his evil way and amend your deeds, and do not go after other gods to worship them Then you will dwell in the land which I have given to you and to your forefathers; but you have not inclined your ear or listened to Me.” Jeremiah 35:15

Will you listen to the Lord’s plea or will you ignore Him as the Israelites did and confirm what John W. Ritenbaugh said in his quote;

“In all sincerity, men and women have gone to great lengths to try to please God. Without seeking His permission, they presume to add things to the worship of God because they are attractive and have a vague attachment to the One whom they look upon as their Savior. They think their sincerity in worship is more important than the truth.”

“But Samuel replied: “Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. “1 Samuel 15:22

 Research Sources :

• The Holy BIBLE!

• Catholic Encyclopedia Vol. 1

• Wikipedia • ChurchYear.net

• HistoryChannel.com

• “Celebrating the Christian Year” By Martha Zimmerman

• Sacred-Text.com

Jake and Adam, are leading a study on the first church which Brian is interested in. We went the first week and that is when God spoke to me and started pulling me out of my comfort zone and telling me He had plans for me but true to God’s style He didn’t tell me anymore but get moving. I guess that is when the feeling of unbalance started. Anyway, needless to say I wasn’t very keen on going tonight. I had another idea for the nuder and wanted to try it and see if I could get it to work plus I wasn’t sure if I was ready for another God thing in my life considering I am still trying to get things together from the last one. Long stroy short we went because it is important to Brian and I didn’t want to upset him, plus I knew God wanted me to go. My head was foggy like it has been all day so in the begining I just sat and listened and read my bible. However, as God often does with me, He started pointing out little things in the Scripturesand making me speak up to share them. It is weird because I’m a pretty quiet person but people don’t see that side of me in bible studies because God makes me talk. Anyway, it wound up being a pretty good study and after a short talk with Heather (Adam’s wife) we came home.

On the way home Brian and I got into a bit of a disagreement about my passive agressive nature relatng to his smoking and I had to take a min to catch my breath and talk with God so when we got home I took Lexi for a walk and sat in the grass for a while thinking,talking and listening to God. Once I had calmed down a bit and felt a little more balanced, at least enought that I didn’t feel like my molecules were going to fly apart at any second, I went back upstairs and started working on the nudders. The idea I had gotten online appears like it will work but I am still having trouble getting consistent results so I quickly got frustrated with that and gave up.

So I sat on the couch wondering what to do. Should I go lay in bed for a few hours hoping sleep will find me? No, that didn’t work well last night and I’m sure it wont tonight, I’m not tired enough anyway. Should I work on my cross stitch? No, I don’t have the patience for that kindof thing right now and I don’t want to mess it up. Should I read, and if so what? That is when I saw my bible we had used earlier tonight to look up verses for our marraige study, laying open on the floor. Feeling drawn to it I picked it up and just started reading what it was open to. 1 Peter 2:18, the section is titled “Submission To Masters” and within the first few verses I saw what God had been trying to tell me. “But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps.” 1 peter 2:20b-21. Obviously this section is talking about slaves submitting to their masters and rising above cruel unjust treatment but I feel it totally applies to my life right now. I am apprehensivelystepping out of my comfort zone (picture me dipping one toe in the water to test the temperature) in the direction I feel God pulling me. But I am nervous and with each step I take I feel more and more unbalanced and vulnerable and trying things keep happening. I feel myself being more agitated and dealing with more anger. I thought I had gotten that under control but apparently now that God is calling me I am being opened up to satan’s attack and he is using all his old tricks that worked so well to cripple me for so many years before. I am nervous because I don’t feel I have the support system around me I will need to fight this battle God is calling me into, but I have faith He will provide it. I am also worried about what exactly He is calling me to. The hints I am getting are things like being called a prophet form a woman at church God has led me to. Being told that God doesn’t care what pain and suffering His prophets have to go through to get His work done. Seeing examples of this in His word. And now this verse that tells me to be patient through unjust suffering. Talk about scary! I don’t want to suffer, especially unjustly, and I am not the best with patience or heaing and followng through with God’s will. I am hoping these things are refering to stuff I have already had to deal with but I have a sinking suspision things are going to get worse before they get better. *sigh* What on earth did I sign up for? Or maybe it’s not on earth at all but on a spiritual plain. . .

Things seem to be falling into place pretty well for me. I still have my wonderful job at the Brighton Animal Clinic. And less then 3 weeks ago I got married to a wonderful man who is helping me make our small 1 bedroom apartment into a home. We are finally able to upgrade some of the hand-me-downs I got when I moved in with the money we got as gifts from our wedding so life is slowly coming together.  Now all I have to do is get the thank you notes sent and all the paper work done to officially change my name and hopefully life will regain some semblance of normalcy

I still miss my family like crazy but I got to see them all when they came for my wedding last month and they will be here in a few weeks for Zack and Jills wedding. It is nice to see them but it seems to re-open the wound every time they leave. But it is so worth it to be able to spend time with them.

I guess the biggest change is that I am getting married in 3 weeks. Yep you read right, I’m getting married. In July of last year right before a trip to TX  to visit the family Brian proposed to me. It was nothing spectacular like you see in the movies but it was definitely earth shattering and life changing. Since then things have been pretty crazy and they only get crazier the closer we get to the “big day”. I am to the point now that I wish it would just get here all ready so I can get on with my life. I feel like I am totally alone in the planning even though I am getting help from several people because I am always the one that has to make the final decisions and organize everything. It’s all resting on my shoulders and the weight is killing me. I had to go to the Dr. last week to get some muscle relaxers because I am carrying all my stress in my neck and shoulders and I was one big knot. Over all things are coming together nicely but I am having trouble with enough things to feel like I’m going crazy. The biggest thing right now is my dress yes 3 weeks away from my wedding and I don’t have a dress. Or rather it is still in pieces. Jen, a lady from church, offered to sew our outfits as a wedding gift since we are having a Renaissance wedding and were having trouble finding outfits we liked and could afford. At first I thought it was the greatest thing to happen for the wedding but now I am having serious doubts. See she didn’t even start sewing my dress until last week. Partly because of problems she had with Brian’s outfit including him gaining weight and needing the top let out, partly from her personal life, and partly because she is totally and completely flighty and can’t focus on one thing for more then 5 sec. People warned me about this, as soon as I told them who was making the outfits the cringed. I stood up for her and gave her the benefit of the doubt but now I’m wondering if I made the right choice. To late to second guess myself though. All I can do is cross my fingers and pray I will have a dress come wedding day.